The anatomy of a bar and its patrons.

While I don’t consider myself a literary genius, grammatically correct, or a half way decent writer; I find that I contemplate a multitude of random things throughout my day.  You see, I have plenty of time to think (or Daydream) while I mind-numbingly press “Next,” “Install,” or the otherwise generic and mundane tasks that I have while setting up Servers and Workstations at my job.  I also tend to people watch while out and about, more than I care to admit while I’m enjoying a few cold frosty beverages at the end of a yet another repetitive, monotonous day.  So, with that being said, you’ll have the opportunity to take a glimpse into some of my musings here on “updown ‘n sideways.”  In planning of this blog, which admittedly, I did very little of; I thought that it would be entertaining to present life from three different angles.  Yes, you guessed it; Up, Down, and Sideways.

To start off allow me to introduce you to where I spend some quality time.

Our cast that may appear in future posts.  And, I’ll tell you, this bill isn’t even fleshed out fully yet:

1.  Creepy staring contest guy.
2.  The know it all.
3.  Incredibly Talkative man.
4.  Me.
5.  Beer.

As I said earlier I enjoy frosty beverages after work, which is a norm that helps me chill out after a long day of clicking buttons, boxing and un-boxing computers.  One thing that I’ve over time made abundantly clear, and especially to The Know it All, is that my first beer is off limits for conversation.  This is the time that I surf Reddit, or play games; all in an attempt to prevent getting in a long winded conversation about whether the law of gravity applies to cats, or if a piece of technology does or does not perform a certain way and the how’s and why’s that I honestly could care less about after a long day of working with technology.  Don’t get me wrong, I love a good conversation with people, but when there is an inkling that you may be slightly wrong, The Know it All will go look up on a random website.  And he doesn’t just go and check Wikipedia, somehow he has read about whatever you or those around you are talking about at some point in his life, and will completely dissect that small inaccuracy that you stated.  He will butt in on any conversation, and he will correct you.

Gravity defying Felines buddy, Ceiling Ninja

Gravity defying Felines buddy, Ceiling Ninja

Back to ignoring him.  At the same point in time, I will experience the Creepy Staring Contest Guy; he will stare you down as long as possible.  I have yet to determine to this day if this person wants to make love to my bearded face, or is staring at some blemish on my face that no one in my life has told me about.  Maybe he’s an alien agent sent to spy on me, and when the time is right, will inform me that I have been chosen to represent the human race in an intergalactic drinking competition.  If that’s the case, keep staring alien homie brethren.

It’s about time for a refill at this point.  Shot time even maybe.  Our cast will expand with the addition of Incredibly Talkative Guy.  He has just finished work, and after sitting in a cubicle all day, needs to ramble on.  About anything.  Normally, if I’m lucky, he’ll sit next to The Know it All and I’ll be the happiest person in the joint.  The universe has its way however, and I have been handed a bar stool neighbor who much to my distaste, decides that Popcorn is a great idea.

Let me interject quickly here.  Popcorn is the bane of my existence.  I would rather float through space for the rest of eternity, whilst a small colony of wee microscopic people from a small chunk of space rock populate my backside and stomach, threatening nuclear war against each other; than listen or sit next to someone eating popcorn.  And yes, that was a Futurama reference.

Have you ever played that game of “Throw a piece of popcorn at your friends face, and see if they can catch it in their mouth?”  Multiply that by handfuls of popcorn, literally being thrown at their own face, no other players involved!  Then add to that, once whatever unholy small amount of popcorn makes it into the gaping maw (the rest falling to the floor), the maw never shuts.  A screeching cackle to a joke told from across the bar has began, while small bits of masticated corn fly across the bar.  It takes ninja like reflexes to cover your pint, if you don’t have them, you’re in for a salty taste in your mouth.

I think I need a sippy cup cap for my beer glass.

I think I need a Sippy cup cap for my beer glass.

It’s only 6:15 p.m., and I need another beer.

I attempt to find solace in my pint, and turn back to my phone, attempting to zone out what’s happening around me.  It has become increasingly difficult to even concentrate on what I’m looking at on my screen.  I look up, the patrons of the bar have dwindled down to the Creepy Staring Contest Guy, a close friend who just walked through the door, and some random people I’ve never interacted with before.

The night finishes up quieter than it started, with some good conversation with my close friend, apart from the discussion that began relating to my piss poor relationship life.  But that’s for another time.  I write this as US Women’s Hockey just was ousted by the Canadians, so at this point, it’s time to finish work, and grab another pint.  ‘Till next time friends!


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